Tag Archives: spam

National Do Not Email Registry

30 Mar

Do Not Email Registry

Or

The Bear I Didn’t Shoot

By L. Stewart Marsden

 

We all get spam. I’m so pleased with Gmail’s ability to filter most of it out. Still, some inevitably slips through the cracks in the filters.

Years ago when I was a reporter for a local newspaper, I was somehow put on an email list that has been distributed to God-knows-who. These are people who want their story printed, at the paper’s expense, with their point-of-view. Fake news? Hard to tell.

The upshot is that I have tried numerous times to get my name/email address deleted from this list or these lists to no avail.

It’s really not that big a deal in the long run. But, gosh, in this day and age when everyone makes a big deal about everything, why not join the fun?

Seems to me there should be a way to include my email address on a National Do Not Email Registry, like I can do with my landline and cell phone. I mean, what an incredibly effective deterrent the registry is, right?

In lieu of that, perhaps I should at least get something from this continued irksome problem. Hey, maybe an opinion piece for my online writing studio!

So here’s the latest sample of the emails I’m talking about. At least SPAM is somewhat interesting (I’m long overdue, by the way, to go check my cache of spam and post the craziest ones).

 

To: Mr. L. Stewart Marsden

From: Chelsea Giacobbe, Senior Account Executive

SUBJECT: Interview Opp: Rosetta Stone and Forbes Release Joint Study On How Providing Employees with Language Training Helps Global Enterprises Compete


Hi L. Stewart –

Hope all is well. Today, Rosetta Stone and Forbes released a new report on how providing employees with language training helps global enterprises compete. According to the report, as more companies are expanding into a global economy, having a multilingual workforce has become a critical success factor and businesses are taking action to provide employees with language learning resources.

Key findings from the report include:
· Management is seeing results. Nearly 60 percent of managers cited improved customer feedback as the area most impacted by employees participating in language learning. Performance improvement and more confidence also ranked high at 46 percent and 51 percent, respectively
· 92 percent of executives surveyed indicating that the entire company realizes the benefits of language training, though businesses in the customer service, travel and hospitality sectors are more likely to report this than other industries
· Successful learning aligns with organizational goals. Companies that build language training into employee development plans and track KPIs are twice as likely to successfully link language learning goals to the organization’s strategic priorities
· Opportunity awaits. The proliferation of online learning is prompting organizations to rethink traditional learning approaches and adopt technology-based models for training and development.
· Language training must become part of the corporate culture. While companies understand the necessity of language learning, incorporating it into the corporate culture remains a challenge


I’ve pasted the full press release below for your convenience. Please let me know if you’re interested in speaking with Bruce Rogers, Chief Insight Officer at Forbes, to discuss how companies are using language learning to not only better their business but their employees as well.

Thanks!
Chelsea
130 W42 Suite 950 | New York City | 10036
212.730.7277 | http://www.coburnww.com

* * * * *

A benign email, I’ll grant you. I won’t bore you with the article Chelsea pasted into the body of the email for me to read and decide whether or not to post it on Facebook. If she happens to take me up on my response and offer (prompted much in the same way when you get a call on your phone from some marketing person — or worse, scam agent — and you want to teach said caller a lesson, playing them along until they erupt with their expository genius), then I’ll reprint it and let you know. You can always go to her website where I’m sure the article will be available.

Here’s my reply to Chelsea:

 

Hi, Chelsea

All is well, thank you. For the last couple of days I’ve been working on putting up a vinyl rain gutter ceiling on the deck where I’ve just installed my new hot tub. It’s a two man job: me and myself are doing the work.

So that’s why I missed getting a picture of the black bear that has been raiding my garbage bin since spring has arrived.

Did you know that there’s no real way to repel a bear through the use of odors? In fact, use of things like clorox or other aromas you would think would stay the creatures, attract them!

I’ve set up my Nikon camera on a tripod and it’s facing the drive area from my bedroom window. I’ve got all the settings in place, as the lighting at night is a bit critical, especially since a floodlamp affixed to a telephone pole bathes the area in yellow light.

A few nights ago, my son’s dog, Mowgli, dashed out the door of my condo and down the hill, barking come hell or high water after what we figured out must be a bear (I had been awakened the night before and saw the culprit).

So, for two nights in a row I’ve been sleeping intermittently, hoping to get a shot of the bear. That, plus the project of the vinyl ceiling, left me utterly exhausted last night. And guess what?

It’s the first night in a long time I slept soundly throughout the night.

And guess what else?

Wouldn’t you know it, the bear decided to visit again, and — drat — I missed getting a picture of him.

In the event you are wondering why I’m telling you this, it’s probably the same as my wonderment over the continued article ideas I get from you and a host of other people who think I care at all about the ideas. I suppose I could post them for you on my Facebook page, but I’d have to charge you $1,000 for my services.

If that sounds good to you, please respond accordingly and arrange for me to draft your checking account, and I’ll gladly post your story — whether or not I think it will be of interest to my Facebook friends.

I hope this response finds you well.
L. Stewart Marsden

PS: Here’s a photo I took of the bear when I didn’t know what camera settings to use. Hard to tell, but that’s one big Teddy!


 

This second photo is after I was able to correct my settings, which are still on my camera. Didn’t matter, though. I still missed the shot of the bear.

 

 

Related item:

Here’s a poem/story (poestry?) I wrote several years ago about a Do-Not-Call App that you really should be able to download to rid yourself of those nuisance calls: click here.

 

 

Spam

10 Mar

One of the things I really like about Google Mail is that it is very effective in filtering out spam and depositing it into this technological sink hole that I view rarely. When I do, I might scan through to see what’s there. But I would never click on one of these links! Ever! Well, hardly ever. So I went through my spam today and thought to myself, “I ought to blog about my spam list one day,” and, having nothing else going on, thought, “Why not today?”

So here are a few of the spam I thought to be noteworthy of mention:

♦Congratulations♦ (I had to scroll all the way down the special characters passed Basic Hebrew and Greek to find the ♦) ♦♦Confirm your 100 – 1000 Usd Delivery in 2minutes!!

Did they leave out the “e” in Usd? If so, why would I ever want something that has been USED? Well, maybe on eBay or Amazon.

__________________________________

(Mrs) SURAT SHINAWATRA (2 RE: MAY GOD BLESS YOU !!!!!!!!!! – A CONTRIBUTION FOR THE WORK OF GOD.

Okay, He’s the Lord. He’s got sheep on a thousand hills, for Chrissakes! And He’s begging?

Surat, continued . . . Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Memo: Remember to check with LJC if Shinawatra got permission to speak for him.

_________________________________

Moving on . . .

OurTime Dating. Want to meet singles over 50? See photos? Please click “Not Spam” above if this message is delivered to your spam folder.

Right. I want to meet singles well UNDER 50! And, sure, I’ll click “Not Spam” in a few. If I remember.

_________________________________

►►Congratulations Our Records Indicate You {insert your name here} Have Cash Loan Available!

YAY! I can’t wait! And I have 50 acres of drained swamp land in Florida to sell!

_________________________________

►Instant Checkmate◄ {my name here}; Your Background check is available Online!

Already know my background.

_________________________________

Honest Family Products . . .

Okay, I don’t even think I need to make a comment here, do I?

_________________________________

*Stay Hard*

Frankly, that would not be very comfortable.

_________________________________

Rachel Ray Free Trial sa.

Didn’t know she was arrested and charged with anything.

_________________________________

Bosley-Hair-Restoration

Happy Days! (Those under 40 won’t get this)

_________________________________

Z≡≡sk Start browing funny singles on Zoosk today!

Which is it? Z≡≡sk or Zoosk?

_________________________________

Vin DiCarlo 3 questions that get all women excited

  1. You want me to guess how old I think you are?
  2. Do I think that dress looks good on you?
  3. Do I remember what day it is?

_________________________________

+Married But’Lonely+ Neglected and Lonely Housewives searching for love

Right. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

_________________________________

Urgent Notification (2) Your Cash Transfer Request Was Received! – You’ve received $100 – $1000 Cash

You know, there actually are people to get sucked into this kind of email? Probably the same people who have the Honey Boo-Boo app on their cell phones.

_________________________________

These two should go together:
Dunkin’ Donuts Survey – Complete this survey and get a $25 Dunkin Donuts Gift Card;
Belly Fat Blast Fat Now – ‘Kill’-er 7 foo chemicals that CAUSE Flab!

_________________________________

Raspberry Ketone Start Melting Your Fat Away Naturally

Sulfuric Acid in a bottle, probably.

_________________________________

There are more. Sadly, they hit the same themes: instant money, instant sex, and instant weight loss — everything a guy in my marketing profile needs, I suppose. But then at my age, the word “instant” has been ignorable for quite some time.

So, with one click, I instantly rid my self of 506 unwanted, unsolicited and unbelievable spam messages.

Thank you, Google Mail!

Oh, I forgot. Not ALL spam is bad.

spam

 

Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. Saute onions and green and red peppers, garlic, pimento, celery soup and sliced Spam and serve over cooked rice or noodles. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!