#NotMySuperBowlChamps

6 Feb

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#NotMySuperBowlChamps

By L. Stewart Marsden

It’s the morning after. I am distraught and incredibly depressed.

Not too terribly long ago Super Bowl Party guests and I were casually watching the Atlanta Falcons dismantle the Evil Empire New England Patriots well into the third quarter of THE GAME. The sound was turned down as we talked about a myriad of subjects not football. It was a done deal. With 6:04 remaining in the third quarter with a 25-point lead, we were all confident that Super Bowl LI was in the bag for the wildly popular Falcons.

Then, all of a sudden, Tom “Voldemort” Brady willed the Patriots through the air and on the ground over and over as the hapless Georgia team stood frozen under his curse.

The inconceivable had happened: a combination of the unexpected plus an archaic NFL rule overruled the desires of NFL fans nationwide to leave all of us shocked and in disbelief.

These rogue Patriots, guilty of conning and deceiving their way to disputed victory after disputed victory had amassed the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history in the first-ever overtime in the championship’s storied history.

Coincidence?

I think not.

Consider the past of these so-called “victors”:

  • These same Patriots, guilty of the infamous “Snow-Plow” victory on December 12, 1982;
  • who benefitted from the infamous “Tuck Rule” that resulted in — guess what?– another controversial victory on January 19, 2002;
  • who disregarded any semblance of fair play on September 9, 2007 in the Spy-Gate incident;
  • who utilized a trick substitution play to upset the Baltimore Ravens on January 10, 2015 on their post-season journey;
  • and, can one EVER forget Deflate-Gate of January 18, 2015?

Can a zebra change its stripes? Can a lion become a vegan? Can an outrageous noncompliant evil outsider win the … well, never mind.

When I was a church-goer, I often heard that Lucifer means “light,” and evil often shrouds its despicable nature — the devil using beauty and alluring words. Voldemort Brady is one such example. Belichick, his master — not so much. But he doesn’t have to be. After all, the puppetmeister pulls his strings behind the set.

Toward the final seconds of the fourth quarter, we all knew “they” would ultimately prevail.

The tie score. Overtime.

Somehow … the overtime coin toss was won by the Evil Empire.

Again, coincidence?

Some foul magic was afoot, methinks. (Ever notice how little the NE Patriots shoot an arm and a finger up at the Big Guy/Gal in the Sky after a big play? So we KNOW that HE/SHE wasn’t rooting for the bad guys).

And, as in the final 10 or so minutes of regular play, The Death Ray was focused on the end zone. Destruction of all that was Holy was imminent. An apocalyptic abyss was unavoidable.

As New England goose-stepped into and through Atlanta territory — not unlike Sherman’s March to the Sea –, one of my guests said,

“Wait! What? If the Nazi team scores, the good guys will get a chance to score also, right?”

WRONG!

The winner of the biggest contest in the NFL season could be determined by oh, such an unfair and archaic rule.

“If the Patriots only score a field goal, yes, then Atlanta has a chance to either score a field goal to tie, or a touchdown to win. BUT, if the slime balls score a touchdown, then it’s over, and they win. No opportunity for the fair-haired sweetums to even the score.”

“BUT, THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

Fair had nothing to do with it. It is in the constitutional laws of the NFL governing overtime play. Apparently the Founding Football Fathers didn’t reckon on such a lousy and unfair rule determining the SBC (Super Bowl Champions).

The wind was literally sucked out of the national football fans’ sails when the Patriots scored on their first drive in overtime.

Boom!

You could see the life drain from the faces of the ESPN color commentators. The silence was deafening. The Bad Guys had come back from a 25-point deficit to win Super Bowl LIe.

No, I meant that. It IS a lie! Like all of the deceit and lies and manipulation this wicked team has wrought during its nefarious lifetime. The “champions” of Super Bowl LI are ONE BIG LIE!

Therefore, I’m starting a movement to petition the NFL in order to have the Patriots stripped of all trophies they have wrongfully accumulated over the decade, as well as rescind the overtime regs. That movement is #NotMySuperBowlChamps. Won’t you join me in this essential effort?

My polls tell me that you agree with me that the overtime rules should be overthrown, and the rightful heirs of the Super Bowl throne — the Atlanta Falcons (and, by the way, the Carolina Panthers for the previous Super Bowl — but that’s another exposé for another day) — be instated as Super Bowl LI Champions!

Oh, and typical of the Patriots, Tom “Voldemort” Brady SAYS someone stole his game jersey.

The truth?

More likely just one more Super Bowl LIe!

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