The altogether obvious parallels between finding an online match, and securing a publisher

19 Jun

The altogether obvious parallels

between finding an online match,

and securing a publisher

By L. Stewart Marsden

I hadn’t thought about it before. But after a solid string of “thanks, but we’ll call you …” responses from potential matches through an online yenta (that’s really all it is), and the billowing stacks of “thanks for your submission, but it doesn’t fit our current needs” from literary agents and publishers, I’m convinced the two separate endeavors are equally difficult.

I really enjoy writing. What I write is a bit on the edge — you know, a bit creepy. My preteen daughter keeps asking why I can’t write something normal? This from a kid who is glued to her iPhone and uses Instagram 24/7.

As far as the online dating — okay, I’ll admit that I’m far from the ripped abs and rugged good looks of too many men out there who are prowling the internet. I’m an old fart, and pretty set in my ways. So right there the pool of possibilities shrinks to the size of maybe a foot bath.

And the weight. God, the weight! I think there’s some double-standard at play here. Now super-sized models are adorning more and more magazine covers. Women. Not men. Where are the super-sized men? Can I even say that? Good think no one but the government knows where I live.

So I’ve embarked on a get myself down to a weight through changing my lifestyle. God, if Oprah can do it …! I think the only profession I could pursue where weight is not an issue would be stand up.

As far as the writing goes, I consider myself to be a halfway decent storyteller. Can’t get anyone to critique on my blog, though. It’s the Facebook curse of “likes.” I like that people like what I write, but I”D LIKE TO KNOW WHY YOU LIKE IT!

I know. It takes too much energy to think about it. You read something and say to yourself, “Eh, that was good!” But you can’t figure out why you like it. Your brain might explode if you have to think beyond “Like” or “Dislike” (even though dislike is not an option — at least for WordPress and other blogs).

This is a really short complaint. It comes only moments after the creation of a really nice poem. THAT’s what writers are like! We’re up one moment, and down the next. There’s a diagnosis for that, but we don’t like to bring that subject up.

I think of Fiddler on the Roof. Yente makes her living matching up couples. “It’s a match!” I need her. For my writing, and to find that someone who will watch the sun set with me.

I suppose I’m a project. I told someone today who has dozens of rejections from publishers, “Add a line at the conclusion of your query: Don’t be the agent/publisher who is the last agent/publisher to reject me before I am discovered and soar to the literary heights!” I thought, it’s worth a try.

And to those reluctant love matches: don’t be the last to reject me and suddenly I become a famous writer and trim down and get a face lift and a tummy tuck and get ripped!

It’s worth a try. Right?

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One Response to “The altogether obvious parallels between finding an online match, and securing a publisher”

  1. Sandi August 13, 2016 at 9:23 pm #

    Okay. I’m here now. So when you are ready…you know how to get in touch with me. Famous or not….I think you are a handsome man. Oh no!!!! Now the world sees this. Yes I said it right here.

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