Match dot com and the Tortoise

21 Jan

Match dot com and the Tortoise

By L. Stewart Marsden


I subscribed to Match dot com today,

and immediately rued the decision.

Is it like admitting defeat?

Is it like becoming a teacher and not a doer?

Is it like casting a line in the deep sea waters off North Carolina

and hoping beyond hope that somehow, some wandering tuna will bite the bait

and jerk and firmly set the hook?


Who is hooking whom?

Perhaps I’m the tuna, and all I want is some comfort food,

and someone to stroke the nape of my neck

and say, “There, there. It will all be okay?”


The biters didn’t fit my “partner” profile.

They were too young, too far away, too eager and ambitious.

They were too scary.


Just a three-month subscription.

The price of a couple of pizzas home-delivered.


But not at all like home-delivery.

Something more ominous, more creepy.


And I was worried I was the creepy one.


The tortoise carries its own protection against attack.

It can withdraw its feet and tail and head at a moment’s notice.

It can survive for more than 150 years.

What’s so wrong with that?


And I subscribed to today.


Copyright © Lawrence S. Marsden, 21 January, 2016

4 Responses to “Match dot com and the Tortoise”

  1. frederick anderson January 30, 2016 at 3:03 am #

    Something I never tried, and it’s sort of left of field now because I don’t think my wife would approve. It should be interesting though – anything that eases the path to meeting new people and learning about their lives must contain some amazing experiences. No doubt (I hope) you’ll tell all!

    • skipmars January 30, 2016 at 12:57 pm #

      If I were to do this in a stand-up routine, I’d have you rolling in the aisle! Without using any exaggeration or untruths!

  2. Jackie Pittman February 1, 2016 at 7:55 pm #

    This is the a wonderfully personal conversation about the incredibly impersonal way we are forced to meet people today. We never wanted to be this age and have to resort to paying for someone to talk to. I did make a really good bean and ham soup today, though.

    • skipmars February 1, 2016 at 8:04 pm #

      Mmmmm! Well, I for one intended to at least reach this age. We have the choice to age like bread, or like wine.

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