Spam

10 Mar

One of the things I really like about Google Mail is that it is very effective in filtering out spam and depositing it into this technological sink hole that I view rarely. When I do, I might scan through to see what’s there. But I would never click on one of these links! Ever! Well, hardly ever. So I went through my spam today and thought to myself, “I ought to blog about my spam list one day,” and, having nothing else going on, thought, “Why not today?”

So here are a few of the spam I thought to be noteworthy of mention:

♦Congratulations♦ (I had to scroll all the way down the special characters passed Basic Hebrew and Greek to find the ♦) ♦♦Confirm your 100 – 1000 Usd Delivery in 2minutes!!

Did they leave out the “e” in Usd? If so, why would I ever want something that has been USED? Well, maybe on eBay or Amazon.

__________________________________

(Mrs) SURAT SHINAWATRA (2 RE: MAY GOD BLESS YOU !!!!!!!!!! – A CONTRIBUTION FOR THE WORK OF GOD.

Okay, He’s the Lord. He’s got sheep on a thousand hills, for Chrissakes! And He’s begging?

Surat, continued . . . Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Memo: Remember to check with LJC if Shinawatra got permission to speak for him.

_________________________________

Moving on . . .

OurTime Dating. Want to meet singles over 50? See photos? Please click “Not Spam” above if this message is delivered to your spam folder.

Right. I want to meet singles well UNDER 50! And, sure, I’ll click “Not Spam” in a few. If I remember.

_________________________________

►►Congratulations Our Records Indicate You {insert your name here} Have Cash Loan Available!

YAY! I can’t wait! And I have 50 acres of drained swamp land in Florida to sell!

_________________________________

►Instant Checkmate◄ {my name here}; Your Background check is available Online!

Already know my background.

_________________________________

Honest Family Products . . .

Okay, I don’t even think I need to make a comment here, do I?

_________________________________

*Stay Hard*

Frankly, that would not be very comfortable.

_________________________________

Rachel Ray Free Trial sa.

Didn’t know she was arrested and charged with anything.

_________________________________

Bosley-Hair-Restoration

Happy Days! (Those under 40 won’t get this)

_________________________________

Z≡≡sk Start browing funny singles on Zoosk today!

Which is it? Z≡≡sk or Zoosk?

_________________________________

Vin DiCarlo 3 questions that get all women excited

  1. You want me to guess how old I think you are?
  2. Do I think that dress looks good on you?
  3. Do I remember what day it is?

_________________________________

+Married But’Lonely+ Neglected and Lonely Housewives searching for love

Right. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

_________________________________

Urgent Notification (2) Your Cash Transfer Request Was Received! – You’ve received $100 – $1000 Cash

You know, there actually are people to get sucked into this kind of email? Probably the same people who have the Honey Boo-Boo app on their cell phones.

_________________________________

These two should go together:
Dunkin’ Donuts Survey – Complete this survey and get a $25 Dunkin Donuts Gift Card;
Belly Fat Blast Fat Now – ‘Kill’-er 7 foo chemicals that CAUSE Flab!

_________________________________

Raspberry Ketone Start Melting Your Fat Away Naturally

Sulfuric Acid in a bottle, probably.

_________________________________

There are more. Sadly, they hit the same themes: instant money, instant sex, and instant weight loss — everything a guy in my marketing profile needs, I suppose. But then at my age, the word “instant” has been ignorable for quite some time.

So, with one click, I instantly rid my self of 506 unwanted, unsolicited and unbelievable spam messages.

Thank you, Google Mail!

Oh, I forgot. Not ALL spam is bad.

spam

 

Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. Saute onions and green and red peppers, garlic, pimento, celery soup and sliced Spam and serve over cooked rice or noodles. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

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2 Responses to “Spam”

  1. uppervalleygirl March 10, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    I haven’t laughed this hard in a month. And I us(e)d the word “hard” loosely…as for SPAM, Martha Stewart suggested a similar recipe (with enthusiasm) on NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me not long ago–a sign? Anyway, my favorite in a pretty even race is:
    “Honest Family Products . . .” SNORT.

  2. RoSy March 11, 2013 at 11:12 am #

    You just made spam entertaining!
    As for what’s in the can – used to have it all the time as a kid. Haven’t had it in years. I did get a couple of cans as door prizes for my end of the world party back in December though.

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