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Let the rumpus begin: it’s MARCH!

14 Mar

If you are not an ACC Men’s Basketball fan, you do not understand why March is the most necessary month of all. Tucked in between Feb. and April, it is more than a weather-transition month.

It is tournament time!

I am a proud Duke fan. I get hate mail because of that.

Especially from those Tar Heel folk.

But, once the ACC Champion has been crowned, I am all-ACC regarding the NCAA (and NIT) tournaments.

I remember crowding around a campfire as a Boy Scout and twisting nobs on an AM radio, straining to decipher the crackling commentary of Woody Durham as teams battled and clawed their right to enter the then NIT.

Hit don’t git no bettern’ that.

I hope you are a fan of some conference. And I hope you get some work done this month.

Cheers!

And, GO DUKE!

Spam

10 Mar

One of the things I really like about Google Mail is that it is very effective in filtering out spam and depositing it into this technological sink hole that I view rarely. When I do, I might scan through to see what’s there. But I would never click on one of these links! Ever! Well, hardly ever. So I went through my spam today and thought to myself, “I ought to blog about my spam list one day,” and, having nothing else going on, thought, “Why not today?”

So here are a few of the spam I thought to be noteworthy of mention:

♦Congratulations♦ (I had to scroll all the way down the special characters passed Basic Hebrew and Greek to find the ♦) ♦♦Confirm your 100 – 1000 Usd Delivery in 2minutes!!

Did they leave out the “e” in Usd? If so, why would I ever want something that has been USED? Well, maybe on eBay or Amazon.

__________________________________

(Mrs) SURAT SHINAWATRA (2 RE: MAY GOD BLESS YOU !!!!!!!!!! – A CONTRIBUTION FOR THE WORK OF GOD.

Okay, He’s the Lord. He’s got sheep on a thousand hills, for Chrissakes! And He’s begging?

Surat, continued . . . Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Memo: Remember to check with LJC if Shinawatra got permission to speak for him.

_________________________________

Moving on . . .

OurTime Dating. Want to meet singles over 50? See photos? Please click “Not Spam” above if this message is delivered to your spam folder.

Right. I want to meet singles well UNDER 50! And, sure, I’ll click “Not Spam” in a few. If I remember.

_________________________________

►►Congratulations Our Records Indicate You {insert your name here} Have Cash Loan Available!

YAY! I can’t wait! And I have 50 acres of drained swamp land in Florida to sell!

_________________________________

►Instant Checkmate◄ {my name here}; Your Background check is available Online!

Already know my background.

_________________________________

Honest Family Products . . .

Okay, I don’t even think I need to make a comment here, do I?

_________________________________

*Stay Hard*

Frankly, that would not be very comfortable.

_________________________________

Rachel Ray Free Trial sa.

Didn’t know she was arrested and charged with anything.

_________________________________

Bosley-Hair-Restoration

Happy Days! (Those under 40 won’t get this)

_________________________________

Z≡≡sk Start browing funny singles on Zoosk today!

Which is it? Z≡≡sk or Zoosk?

_________________________________

Vin DiCarlo 3 questions that get all women excited

  1. You want me to guess how old I think you are?
  2. Do I think that dress looks good on you?
  3. Do I remember what day it is?

_________________________________

+Married But’Lonely+ Neglected and Lonely Housewives searching for love

Right. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

_________________________________

Urgent Notification (2) Your Cash Transfer Request Was Received! – You’ve received $100 – $1000 Cash

You know, there actually are people to get sucked into this kind of email? Probably the same people who have the Honey Boo-Boo app on their cell phones.

_________________________________

These two should go together:
Dunkin’ Donuts Survey – Complete this survey and get a $25 Dunkin Donuts Gift Card;
Belly Fat Blast Fat Now – ‘Kill’-er 7 foo chemicals that CAUSE Flab!

_________________________________

Raspberry Ketone Start Melting Your Fat Away Naturally

Sulfuric Acid in a bottle, probably.

_________________________________

There are more. Sadly, they hit the same themes: instant money, instant sex, and instant weight loss — everything a guy in my marketing profile needs, I suppose. But then at my age, the word “instant” has been ignorable for quite some time.

So, with one click, I instantly rid my self of 506 unwanted, unsolicited and unbelievable spam messages.

Thank you, Google Mail!

Oh, I forgot. Not ALL spam is bad.

spam

 

Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. Saute onions and green and red peppers, garlic, pimento, celery soup and sliced Spam and serve over cooked rice or noodles. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

NC Attorney General’s top consumer complaint: Do Not Call Violations

10 Mar

 

donotcall

 

“A total of 6,126 North Carolina consumers filed complaints about unwanted calls from telemarketers last year. The majority of complaints came from consumers who had listed their telephone number on the Do Not Call Registry but still received unwanted calls,” according to MyFox8.com.

So, in celebration of that number, and because it’s the first day of Daylight Savings Time, click below for my poem:

DO NOT CALL REGISTRY!

What did NOT happen in Newtown, CT

15 Dec

The response to the events in Newtown, CT are predictable.

Disbelief.

Shock.

Outrage.

Fear that it could happen in my child’s school.

And it’s everywhere: TV, radio, Facebook, Twitter.

Everywhere.

This morning, as I scrolled down through Facebook posts, I came upon this photo, and had to respond.

image

I don’t know if you are a person of faith, and if you are, I don’t know which faith you adhere to.

But the T-shirt is not true.

Yes, organized prayer — of any faith — is not allowed in the public schools. Yes, teaching the creation theory against evolution is not allowed.

But God IS in the schools. You can’t keep Him out. He teaches math or science or Language Arts; He’s a band teacher, or a drama teacher. He comforts and loves and freely gives to every student, every staff and faculty member that walks the hallways in every school.

If it is true, then God was not in Vietnam; is not in Afghanistan; was not in Japan when the tsunami hit; fled when the planes hit the Twin Towers in New York on 9/11.

If it is true, he abandoned the beaches of Dover, fled from Manassas and Gettysburg.

He has left countless hospitals.

And we should all become Deists.

There are no quick nor easy answers to tragedies like Newtown or Columbine.

But I can tell you, when the Principal and vice principal and guidance counselor confronted the shooter, God was with them.

When he sprayed the hallways and hit numerous children, God was with them, also.

God never left that elementary school.

So, I’m going to advise you, if you have the slightest unction to buy and wear that T-shirt — don’t.

It’s a lie.

Reinventing myself

9 Dec

I passed 63 shortly after Thanksgiving. Sixty-three. Nothing special. Not a prime number.

But this year has been a year of reassessment. Of figuring just what the heck is going on. Of reinventing myself.

A tumbleweed of an existence so far. Blown pretty much by the wind across dusty plains. Catching every once-in-a-while and settling in, then tattered by a shift of the wind’s direction and off I go that-away.

I might be the only person who is content with me at the moment. Seem to have pretty much pissed everyone else off.

Well, at least pissed off is a reaction.

Like Tommy — see me, feel me . . . you know the rest.

So I’m a cub reporter at a small-town newspaper, and education is my beat.

I was a stringer before. My column was/is The Unemployment Line. The editor figured I knew so much about it I ought to write about it.

And after a half-year of that, he leaned over to me at an event we both attended and asked, “Wannajob?”

I’ve no journalism background. But I’ve been writing all my life. Articles.

About a shipbuilder.

About a storyteller.

About wind-surfing.

About my 2-1/2 year old and how he/we battled leukemia.

Married twice.

Good at begetting, not so good staying married.

Five children.

Three grandchildren.

Writing stories and music and plays and treatments and screenplays and poems and short stories and working on a historical (hysterical?) novel. Everything pretty much hitting the glass ceiling.

And now, reinventing myself as a cub reporter.

Long hours.

Varied topics.

A man imprisoned wrongly for 24 years.

Two teens disappearing into the night on an impromptu drive to the beach.

Victims of a Ponzi scheme who are now being victimized by the lawyers charged to get their money back. That one got picked up by the AP and appeared as far away as Maine. I don’t think anyone in Maine knows the victims, though.

Reinventing.

The job is great — but keeps me from writing.

Ironic, huh? Writing keeps me from writing?

That’s why my posts have slowed to a crawl.

Self-published a book of my short stories. The stories are a bit weird. But it was a painless process, and nothing ventured . . . you know the rest.

Thinking of compiling my poetry.

Categorize first, I guess.

See if I can either illustrate or find an illustrator.

Amazon’s great because there’s no financial commitment.

But there’s no publishing contract either, and no fame and no movie deals.

I haven’t reinvented myself to that extent, yet.

I guess I’m here to say that if you need to reinvent yourself, you can do it.

Whatever age, or race, or gender, sexual persuasion, or religion or faith (they are mutually exclusive, you know);

You can pick up the skin and the bones and grab a Singer sewing machine and cut and stitch and baste until you have a new you. A bit patch-worked, perhaps. Some loose threads here and there.

But you can do it.

Give it a shot.

You’ll never know until you . . . but, you know the rest.

911

11 Sep

My memories of September 11, 2001 are no more important than any of the rest of America who watched TV that day and were not relatives of those who were lost. Who sat from great distances as the horror of those three flights unraveled and were reported.

It was later that afternoon, walking the paved trail of a nearby park with my wife. A beautiful September afternoon. We walked in silence.

It was the sky.

As the sun chose to set on such an unforgetable day, the western sky was awash with clouds. Not just any clouds. Clouds in the shape of a huge angel, with a long white flowing train. She was traveling slowly across the sky, looking North, towards New York, I imagine.

I pointed it out to my wife, who was as taken aback as I.

An angel, sweeping the sky and headed north, her train trailing behind, turning to a darker dusk color.

It was appropriate.

Behind her, the day began to end in graduating tones of darkness.

Innocence Lost

2 Aug

Innocence Lost

by L. Stewart Marsden

I caught myself today reminiscing about childhood days long past — well, relatively speaking, that is. The Parthenon is long past.

I’m a part of that glut of baby-boomers who, when we grew up, had the world by the tail (see, even the expression is pretty telling). We could bike anywhere in town without our parents worrying. We played outside from dawn to dusk. We greased our peroxided hair into ducktails, and Converse high tops were $8 a pair. We flocked to the Paramount downtown for hours of big screen entertainment — cartoons, news reels, adventure series, and a swell grade B movie about blobs or Godzilla or maybe Gene Autry, the singing cowboy.

The edge of living was rounded and smooth — not cutting and dangerous.

Forty-fives ruled the teen tune appetite, with The Platters and Pat Boone and The Kingston Trio.

McDonald’s arches were new. And the sign read “Over 100,000 hamburgers served” at its beginning.

Radio was AM, crackling in and out as we drove along. And, speaking of driving — four and forty air conditioning: roll down four windows and go forty miles an hour. Seats were vinyl — cold in the winter, skin searing in the hot summer.

Baseball. Barbie Dolls. Mickey Mouse Club. The Captain and Mr. Green Jeans. Howdy-Doody.

The good old days.

So, I rue the passing of time in terms of the loss of innocence. It’s a rather boring theme, I know, to those who didn’t experience that innocence.

The past was not without its deep and dark drawbacks. Segregation. I remember the evidences of that, too, but more as a wonderment than as something that impacted me on a daily basis.

Perhaps every generation has its own time of innocence. I keep thinking that period of time has been accordioned down to a really short period of time, judging from the news and the culture of the day. Judging from how children are quarantined and protected against God knows what; how they spend their days, fused into various gadgets that allow them no alone time, no creative time, no boredom.

I’m still a bit biased in thinking my old days were the good old days. I morn the loss of scary movies back then that are pretty laughable today, when compared to the stark and gruesome film techniques of modern Hollywood. Very little left to the imagination.

And the accessibility via the internet of — well — pretty much anything you would want to see and a whole lot of things you should never know — in your innocence — exist.

So, here’s to Fabian and to The Day the World Ended and to Rock Hudson and Doris Day and to candy cigarettes and to National Geographic and to Norman Rockwell and to White Castle hamburgers and to roller skate keys and to penny loafers and to Greasy Kids Stuff and to a myriad of long-forgotten or fading or never experienced moments — the essence of innocence lost.

Over Easy, Please

29 Jul

Over Easy, Please
by L. Stewart Marsden

When my wife and I lived out in Portland, Oregon while she attended OHSU School of Midwifery (if-ery, not ife-ery), I visited her at school one day for lunch. The school cafeteria had a breakfast bar set up where a short-order cook would respond to special requests, such as soufflés and scrambled eggs, etc.

I slid my tray up to the cook and asked for “Two eggs over easy.” The cook looked at me, his head tilted askance, a quizzical expression on his face. He was from India, and so I took the hint and told him what that meant and how to cook them.

So, nervously, for the very first time in his life, this man attempted the order. Now I do most of the cooking in my house, and two eggs over easy takes, maybe, four minutes to complete. This guy was so nervous, and so intent on doing it right, that he went through six eggs before successfully completing the order.

Last year — November 11 to be exact — Armistice Day — I launched my WordPress blog and my very first post: “In Support of Public Education.” Just like that short order cook at the OHSU cafeteria, I was both nervous and intent on doing it right. I had never written a blog before, and hardly knew what a blog was.

And, just like that inexperienced short order cook, I stumbled along.

As I wrote my posts, in my imagination America held its breath for each new upload! I could hear the throngs cheering in my head — “Hurrah!” It was like Ralphie imagining his teacher’s response to his essay on “What I Want for Christmas.”

And, like that selfsame scene, the reality was far different.

So I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. My real intent was that writers who are out there in internet land would give me real comments, like, “I thought you were a little heavy-handed with the hero in that part of the book,” or, “I can say I knew you when!”

But I soon learned that the “Like” button in WordPress is sorta like the “Like” button on Facebook. It’s a sort of noncommittal committal, if you know what I mean.

And, I learned that a lot of people who “like” my writing, want me to “like” their writing. I learned to go on people’s blogs and actually make a comment about either their “About” page, or one of their posts. That way, people visiting those blogs would see my comment and, perhaps, come for a visit. Kind of a snowball effect.

I know you don’t do this, but I would toggle back and forth between my email and the stats page for my blog, watching to see how many people were viewing my blogs. That was a killer!

Is anybody out there? I would think to myself. Not think. Cry to myself.

Then, I got an email that someone wanted to link to a children’s story I had written and posted, “Stinky and the Night Mare!” Not just someone, but a real honest-to-god agent! I said yes, and over the next few days I got more than 30 views! (Now you know why I was crying to myself.)

I was on the cusp! The verge! The precipice!

Then, boom. That’s the sound of the door slamming shut. While the agent raved about the story, she then said I was an author without a voice. That I needed to focus and perfect one genre. That I was not a good risk.

Pooh.

That was around January/February of this year. I went back to the research and early drafts of my historic novel (I call it hysterical) “The Huguenots.” As a result, I took a trip to Delaware — Wilmington, to be exact — to visit and volunteer to help ready the Kalmar Nyckel, a reproduction of a 17th century tall ship. During the drive up, I decided to scrap most of what I had written so far on the novel, and take a slightly different angle. I had more than fifteen chapters written.

Also, more importantly, I threw my hat into the ring to try the National Poetry Month’s challenge: a poem a day.

I’m not a poet.

But that experience of writing every day and posting resulted in two very important things: a dedication and discipline to write something, anything, every day. The second was I began to make blog friends, with whom I was able to get that much-needed feedback.

So things gradually continue on my blog. I have a boat-load of poems — some of which are ok. I have a surprising number of short stories, which have a kind of dark and macabre tone.

As a result, I’ve decided to publish my short stories in a collection I call “The Shadow Pool.”

I met a really terrific artist, Ray Ferrer, who is illustrating both my short stories and the cover for the book. His blog is urbanwallart. He’s listed under my favorite blogs and you can link to his web page there.

I have recently completed uploading a series of six articles that were written thirty years ago. I wrote them when my then two year old son, Graham, was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. The response to those articles has been gratifying and overwhelming. Graham and I are planning to write a followup in the next few months. I’ll post it, of course.

Well, this seems to be a whole lot about me. But really, I’m wondering if you have experienced any of the above? I visit blogs where the authors say “I don’t know how to ______________ (fill in the blank)” and I think, like Nike, “Just Do It!”

Probably a mantra by which many could benefit.

And, Over Easy, Please.

Graham’s Story — an invitation

24 Jul

Graham examines his sister, Jessica.

To those of you who have read anything on my blog in the past, I invite you to read “Graham’s Story,” a six-part reprint of articles that appeared in The Greensboro News & Record in Greensboro, NC, thirty years ago.

It is the true-life account of how my then 2+ year old son, Graham, came to be diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, and how he and our family dealt with it.

To go to Part One of Graham’s Story, click here.

Survey: How many words in a Short Story?

16 Jul

I’m currently working on a story that started out as a short story. It’s to be part of my compilation of my short stories for a book I plan to self-publish in the near future.

Here’s the catch: the story seems to have a life of its own, and has just hit  9,500 words with no sign of slowing down.

When does a short story cease to be a short story? 10,000, 15,000, 20,000 words? Or does it matter?

What do YOU think? Give a word count and a reason. No fair googling.

Best answer will get a free copy of my compilation once it has been completed. Expected finish date is late summer/early fall of this year. Complete with illustrations by Ray Ferrer at urbanwallart.com. Contest ends Monday, June  23, 2012.

My two daughters (ages 13 and 9) and I will judge the entries.

L. Stewart

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